Billie Eilish Felt Suicidal Amid Rise To Fame

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January 24, 2020 | 11:10am EST

Billie Eilish struggled with suicidal thoughts during her rise to become one of the world’s biggest pop stars.
The 18-year-old singer’s career began to take off from 2017, and reached new heights after the release of her smash hit album When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? last March (19).
However, during an interview with Gayle King for a CBS Grammy Awards special, the star admitted her mental health struggles meant that, even as she was on the brink of success, she felt suicidal.
“I was so unhappy last year,” she told Gayle. “I was so unhappy and I was so like, joyless.”
Asked whether these dark thoughts extended to harming herself, Billie added: “I don’t want to be too dark, but I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it to 17.”
The Bad Guy hitmaker went on to describe one moment in a hotel room in Germany, when she felt on the brink.
“I think about this one time I was in Berlin, and I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was a window right there, and I, like… God, I remember crying because I was thinking about how… the way that I was gonna die was that I was gonna do it,” she explained.
The star also revealed that dark lyrics like “I want to end me” from her hit Bury A Friend are about her own feelings at the time.
To help her through, Billie’s mother Maggie Baird ensured her daughter went into therapy and reduced her schedule by turning down requests.
The teenage phenom, who suffers from Tourrette’s Syndrome and has self-harmed in the past, also revealed the reason behind her unique baggy dress sense – her difficulties with body confidence.
“Me and my body’s relationship has been the most toxic relationship you could even imagine,” she added.
The star is nominated for six prizes at Sunday’s (26Jan20) Grammy Awards.

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